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Just another statistic  

 

David
Man
Joined: 6 months ago
Posts: 21
22/01/2020 10:30 pm  

I am just another divorced, single, white male. I have been coming here off and on for the past year or so. Why? Because it is nice to read that I am not the odd one. I guess I should add to that. I read someone posted something about saying it many times or a few times or something like that. I will share my story though it is the same as so many you already read here.

My ex lied and abused me. She would hit me and throw my things to break them. If I reacted to it she would laugh at me. If I didn't react she would do it more. I put up with this for years. We finally went to a marriage councilor who pulled me aside and said that I should seriously consider divorcing her. I did and I did. I was trying to plan everything in private but she found out and made that famous call. I was handcuffed and taken from my home. I never saw her again after that day and paid an attorney exorbitant amounts of money to make it all stop and go away. I was divorced years ago but still have nightmares that she is here again. In the end I became just another statistic.

Now you know my story.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.


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GregBO
Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 3814
22/01/2020 10:45 pm  

Welcome to the site David. You'll find many members who share your story and even more that will listen, offer advice or just pass the time with you.  This is a man's site for the well being of men. 

You will never be just a statistic on T.I.M.

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


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Uly The Cunning
Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 2813
22/01/2020 10:47 pm  

According to the government and society, you are a statistic, but here I hope you see that you have value. Your value is not because we deem it so, but because reality does. Every man has the ability to do amazing accomplishments and create or destroy on levels that are beyond that of a female's grasp. In short, I just want to assure you that you are more than a statistic. Welcome to the jungle.

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx: Duck Soup (1933)


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Warrior Angel
Man
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 650
22/01/2020 10:55 pm  

2020 - The year when men decided to stop being statistics and start pushing back. This decade is ours.


Beered by Don Keyknob, David, Uly The Cunning and 1 people
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ID-Less
Man
Joined: 7 months ago
Posts: 403
23/01/2020 12:30 am  

Welcome David.

We are all statistics, but sometimes we are not in the ones we MEAN to be in.


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David
Man
Joined: 6 months ago
Posts: 21
02/02/2020 5:18 pm  

Thank you for the warm welcome. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't suicidal after everything that happened to me. It does make it easier to go on though when you know you are not alone. Strange how someone else's suffering makes my own somehow more bearable. There is a psychology to this I am certain. I became an alcoholic as well. I am now 14 months sober. The urge to drink has not faded one bit. Alcohol and divorce seem to go hand and hand. 

Good to be accepted. Thanks all. 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.


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Uly The Cunning
Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 2813
02/02/2020 6:46 pm  

Just hang in there and it does get better. The worst part is over and you can now rebuild your life, a life that you will enjoy. Remember and learn from the past, but know that you never have to live that way again. Those that forget the past are doomed to repeat it, as the saying goes.

I have also forgone alcohol, now dry for over 2 years. I understand the urge to drink still, but they become less frequent. You are doing fantastic, and I raise my water to you, David.

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx: Duck Soup (1933)


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GregBO
Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 3814
02/02/2020 7:03 pm  

@warrior-angel

And for holding accountable those who demean or diminish men and their roles in life.

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


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ID-Less
Man
Joined: 7 months ago
Posts: 403
02/02/2020 7:12 pm  
Posted by: @david

Thank you for the warm welcome. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't suicidal after everything that happened to me. It does make it easier to go on though when you know you are not alone. Strange how someone else's suffering makes my own somehow more bearable. There is a psychology to this I am certain. I became an alcoholic as well. I am now 14 months sober. The urge to drink has not faded one bit. Alcohol and divorce seem to go hand and hand. 

Good to be accepted. Thanks all. 

I've been suicidal and so I know what that really feels like. It feels like a way out by default as though one is stuck in an infinite loop. I think it could almost be likened to emotionally abusing yourself. Kind of odd shit really. I have been more afraid of living than dying on many occasion. I've wanted to go to bed and not wake up too. I've also feared enjoying my life in case it ends. Wonky shit man. Anyway, I'm 4.5  years sober and still want a beer. I found that the obsessive thoughts seem quite intrusive at first, until one day, they've faded. The one thing I have had to realise is, once that you I have become aware that you I have somehow become an alcoholic, you I cannot fool your myself out of it. Once I you have admitted it consciously that you are I am and you I can never go back, in my opinion.

The reason I think this to be true is because I have had dreams in which I am having or have had a drink. When I wake up to it all being a dream I am over-fucking-whelmed it was a dream.  What a relief I didn't fall off the wagon. People will try and convince you that you can "just have one" but that one will never be enough and you will be right back in the pit again. Yep, it sucks but it's also the best defense you have to know you can never just have one, unless, like me, you are set on killing yourself and or loosing everything.  Never have the first one.

There is very rarely a happy ending to a dedicated alcoholic, oh no not me, reinserted themselves back into leisurely drinking. Besides, once you know what alcohol is best for, degreasing engines and an anti septic, what the hell would you want to put it in your body for?

And also besides that, I'm actually allergic to some alcoholic ingredients at certain times without knowing what they are or when I am going to be allergic to them. A reaction to ingredients that I don't know I'm allergic to or when I am going to be susceptible to them and have an anaphylactic shock is like playing RR.

That's my tuppence.


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Don Keyknob
Moderator
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 1904
04/02/2020 9:15 am  

Welcome to the site David.

I'm not ashamed to say that I considered suicide a couple of times as a younger man. I wish that I would have had a cool Uncle who could have told me what was what. I didn't have. I wish that there had been sites like this about. There wasn't. But now there is.

I wasted YEARS of my life. Confused, depressed, aimless and, yes, suicidal. Years that I will never get back. Years. I could kick myself. All for nothing, bar stupid thoughts in my head that I must have put there myself.

Time is a great healer, it's true - but so is reading about other people's experiences and realising that you are far from alone in what you are going through. It's not unusual - it's widespread. 

When I think back to the younger me - and to the person that contributed to my miserable 20's - all I can do, is wish that I'd have never given that person another thought. Easy to say now... but perfectly true. Time helped. I wish that I had bitten the bullet, learned to accept it and got on with things.

Nobody is worth what you are talking about. Nobody.

Baby steps for you. Little short term goals to build up your confidence and emotional state of mind. Don't see the whole picture at the moment. Think small. Your state of mind will improve when you achieve things. Make a plan of action and concentrate on your aims. I saw on another post where you mentioned your weight. Make that one of your goals but look at it a pound at a time - don't concentrate on the end weight, it can be too overwhelming. Keep your goals small for now. Take every success as a massive achievement. 

There isn't a magic wand to make you all better in one swipe - but by realising that you are not alone and by setting yourself reasonable targets towards a better life - you can and you will get yourself out of this.

Maybe there's a young man out there, oblivious as to what's about to happen to him, who in a few years will be having the same feelings that you are experiencing right now. Wouldn't it be great to think that you could pass on your hard-earned story and help him realise that there is always a light at the end of every tunnel.    

You are still waiting to see yours...but it is there...trust me. Just start walking. 

 


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