Matcha Savage - into the wild  

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Matcha Savage
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Posts: 1393
09/10/2018 11:17 pm  

I remember coming home from my father’s funeral. (Home, a word used loosely here, seven years ago meant a place I lived in with a fiancé.)
I entered the apartment and while I had slipped out of my shoes and opened my jacket in the hallway, she announced from the other room that we would “have to talk”.

I turned around and just stared at her sitting on the couch in our living room. I was alerted by the tone of her voice that she was about to let a feral cat out of the bag, while at the same time I was trying to convince myself, that she could not possibly turn out being so dumb as to mess up on that day.
She looked back at me and went on:
“Since your father died, we don’t share enough time with each other. But you have distanced yourself from me, instead.”

Oh, well; she tried to make the “untimely and sudden” death of my father to be about herself and her unmet desires hours after his body had been put into a hole in the frozen ground?
I had not a single word for such an absurdity of a statement, nor the person uttering it, but I remembered clearly in that moment, how she had earlier on that day declined to attend the funeral with me for reasons of her personal comfort.
I let that sink in, as -being the distanced motherfukker I was- I hadn’t taken the effort to notice, beforehand, what a crappy, empty shell of an excuse that actually was, especially when compared to her bemoaning us not spending time together and being distanced -only hours later.

I was not even angry at her attempt to gaslight me. I was not even disgusted, anymore. There was no point left in that.
I was cold and tired. Tired of myself, even, still putting me into these situations which -upon any involvement- would have me receiving endless nonsensical badgaslighting psychoshit barrages with disaster-proven precision timing, whenever I was deemed vulnerable or weak enough by a female “partner” to go and try manipulate and control me by utilizing these weaknesses against me. I have had it. All women I have been with did or at least tried that alike. They would see for opportunities to arise. If presented with none they would even go to far ends and some to sheer extremes to create drama as a means, a tool of mind control on demand. To get you upset or shaken about whatever works on you best, doesn’t matter what, just has to work on you.
It sets the stage. Therefor alone it is necessary to them. They do only care about being able to capitalize on the effect of the stimulus; it doesn’t matter how conflicted, nonsensical, detrimental, destructive, sinister and wicked that stimulus may be in itself as long as it works for them in creating a miserable state of consciousness in you that lends itself to their manipulation of your sorry ass in the future.
I knew the pattern all too well: to the T, since I had been really curious as in morbidly eager and fascinated to field study all the lil differences in the vast amount of distinct specimen of feces and diseases out of that public shithole of a common female behavior pattern -I have followed it closely through the stages of its fever  spreading and the prime of its hyperactivity (deepscan demon driven hamster wheel spin levels of activity, for comparison).

 

I took some notes along the way, some of which I want to share with you:

It is not that there are barrels filled with shit all over the place.
It is a man’s eagerness to jump inside of them for yet another go of it. (A famous Zen monk said something along these lines about a 1000 years ago. His name was Yun-men. Later, after him dying, that is, his corpse glowed in the dark. It was an attraction for early tourists. I shit you not.)

Since I disengage from trying to please or fill up a bottomless pit with my limited life-force, life only gets better. Go figure.
Health and wealth improve to my notice and enjoyment, but that is not all to it.

It all is spirit. Life is like a dream, our world and everything.

Like quantum mechanics in action and bloated suns collapsing.

A dance on top the very edge in between idea and existence.

Beautiful. Deadly.

Simple in its complexity.

-

That very edge is the sweet spot where the music plays.

Watch out for that.

-

When my father died, his spirit found a foothold inside of me. I consciously let him slip in. Thought he’d just drop by to calm down from having the blinders pulled off “untimely and all of a sudden”.
I became his residence, instead. He is with me, ever since.
We are with our forefathers, now, a merry band of one.
And, as the years go by, once endlessly riddled things start making ever more sense.

 

 

Take yourself by the hand like a confused little child which has been left behind and needs special guidance. Don’t let go. Demons come to test.
Enough of them. Be serene. You need yourself to lead the way.

 

 

Thank you.


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Old Buck
Arbiter
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1791
09/10/2018 11:40 pm  

Welcome Matcha, I am glad you joined the Independent Man.  Thank you for sharing that red pill. 

Glad to meet you brother, and I look forward to hearing more on your experiences with modern day women.

Do NOT chase tail. Turn yours around and live FREE!


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may72020
Founder..
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 749
10/10/2018 12:18 am  

Welcome Matcha


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Uly The Cunning
Admin
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Posts: 2183
10/10/2018 12:36 am  

In a world where half of the population is looking to take what they can from you in exchange for brief moments, it seems that you found the option that is far more fulfilling. A made man does not wear a yoke nor will he wear a wedding band. These both are symbols of servitude and slavery. Welcome to the pastures of freedom, where the only intelligent option is to be an independent man.

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx: Duck Soup (1933)


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#Redpillbible
Founder..
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2358
10/10/2018 2:03 am  

Welcome Matcha Savage, nice intro. Yeah man I totally feel just how you feel the way you expressed yourself.

#Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee. (Revelation 3:3)


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uoSʎWodɹɐH
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Posts: 685
10/10/2018 4:27 am  

  Matcha Savage  wrote :  When my father died, his spirit found a foothold inside of me. I consciously let him slip in.

I understand for I died in 1999 and now guide the fingers of my first born and only begotten son to type this welcome.  I am the last born of my father. My son's flesh is now mine.  My blood was type A+ now it is O+. This makes us self evidently a (first & last) (alpha & omega). My son has put the full armor of his creator on.

Enjoy your liberty and stay in your father's kingdom.

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at the idiots who misunderstand me! Kind mockery toward the well-intentioned and unfettered cruelty toward all would-be prison guards of my creative possibilities. In this way I learn to revel as much in misunderstanding as in understanding and take pleasure in worthy opponents. Making language fluid, flowing like a river, yet precise and pointed as a dirk, contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful verbal dance—a linguistic martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.


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The Evil Genius
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Posts: 1425
10/10/2018 4:48 am  

Holy shit brother---you swallowed a red pill the size of a bowling ball. Welcome! 


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Matcha Savage
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1393
10/10/2018 11:18 am  

Thank you very much for your kind replies and having me.


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Don Keyknob
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Posts: 1330
10/10/2018 11:23 am  

Welcome to the site Matcha.


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GregBO
Admin
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Posts: 2133
10/10/2018 2:11 pm  

Thank you for your intro Matcha.  Many men would have just rolled on the day of their father's funeral, but Kudo's for not doing so.  Like you, I also know that my Father continues to be with me since his death.

Welcome and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


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MG-ɹǝʍo┴
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Posts: 2924
11/10/2018 10:35 am  

Welcome Savage,  I read your other posts and they're all too familiar! Welcome to the brotherhood! 


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Matcha Savage
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1393
13/10/2018 6:03 pm  

Now, I start to see, what you were talking all along about coming home.

 

It changes the ways subconsciousness works. Astonishing!

 

(Like someone poisoned enough will probably turn out to be hypersensitive in certain ways. Or someone threatened, tortured and abused enough, especially throughout childhood, will likely smell trouble coming from miles against the (direction of the) wind.)

 


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Joseph
Founder
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 49
13/10/2018 6:18 pm  

Welcome home! Tough redpill to take your fiance being the narcissist she was.

There is no reality for old men.... Men out of time with themselves...... Of this fake dimension.......


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Matcha Savage
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1393
26/10/2018 5:22 am  

After all of the tangible and verifiable living hell my forefathers and I have come across and, somehow, have endured to this day, I just want to (become and) be a decent and true human being -a man unconditioned and untouched by other parties’ programming.

That is independence to me in a nutshell.
I want to share this with you, here.

 


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Matcha Savage
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Posts: 1393
27/10/2018 9:04 am  

Fringe range of death

(reader’s discretion advised)

 

Ever since my last severe concussion ten years ago, which included retrograde amnesia, I still up to this day have some interesting and mind blowing times, once I happen to rediscover or recollect memories of the life lived before that trauma.

“Like a virgin”, sang the whore.

Much of it is hard to swallow and difficult to be digested -or told, but here we are:
I would count 4 severe concussions starting at the age of four. Amplified, magnified and cemented by dozens of mild concussions (to stay on topic) mostly distributed in between the 4 major incidents.

That alone -of course- had a general and lasting impact on my physiological and psychological development. Childhood, puberty and adolescence on top often were restless, stressful and violent.
I was never examined or treated for neurological or hormonal development patterns going unusual and alarming routes. There are hardly any medical documentations on my case, whatsoever.

I “learned” detachment and dissociation from my self as a tactic and strategy of survival, when I was a little kid.
My first severe concussion was directly preceded by a near death experience induced by free fall (compare Reinhold Messner, “Grenzbereich Todeszone”; translated the title means: “Fringe range of death”).
That ever since helped me out in the department of detachment from life, myself and others.

Dissociation, however, sucks the devils’ balls. You look at the fracturing and compartmentalization of a single mind, as a magic trick of survival -or as a means of mind control.

There needs to be a certain, strong and natural “authority” or “leadership” in place to uncover and unite the fragments lost.
And delete “rogue” split-personalities along the way of this process.

Spirituality, Meditation, (Self-) Leadership, exercising and cleansing the body from contaminants does comprise this hard work in a nutshell.

There is no reference except the one I give my self to work with -or accept from some few others. Like you.

All you ever gave me was for free. I am threefold lucky and thankful and had nothing to request from you in the first place. In general, I am in need of dedicated and relentless Kung fu -and that is up to me alone to keep going.

I know, of course, that you can advise and guide me, because that is what you have done -knowingly and unknowingly- until now and regardless of my own filth.
That is why I did write “thank you”, so often. I was lost out there, until you spoke some sense into me. I had left humans and my self for dead.

Now, I am getting to experience and know me, much better. I come to witness and study my self in the interactions with you.
Awesome, as this has a quality untold and unforeseen.


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Matcha Savage
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1393
29/10/2018 8:41 pm  

...Yep, and Asperger and whatnot on top, but that is not the point. I am not asking for help and assistance, however, I give testimony, that I have gotten it for free, here, from you, already! Without so much as me asking for a thing! It is not about the “woeful me”, here (@TIM):
-Guidance is for children and women (or men gone astray).
-Practice in the four cardinal virtues of the West

The Four Cardinal Virtues and How to Practice Them

is to navigate one’s own way -and imperative to independence, self evidently.

And so much more putting things into perspective.
You can call me a parrot with a carrot or what ever floats the boat. But you are right, of course, what has been broken a 1000 times, cannot be unbroken. Only, what can’t be broken, at all, remains pristine, eternally.
„The Holy Spirit doesn’t come to make one feel comfortable, but to burn away all else.“
I (see no blasphemy in that and) do second. Just is the Way, ahead. Face it: simple truth.

 

 

 

When a man rises from the battlefield, utterly defeated, but not yet dead: He likely will be covered in dirt and blood and you may notice, that he rises up to his hands and knees, first.
This alone shows - even if he is a stubborn man - he is given an opportunity to grasp the meaning of service and mastery.
It is but then, that he rises up to stand and walk on his feet.

 


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Uly The Cunning
Admin
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Posts: 2183
29/10/2018 9:19 pm  

Fine words with an equally good meaning. Men are doers. We build, create and turn nothing into something. For as long as we believe in something and have our faith, nothing can deter us from being doers. Women are breakers of faith. They want you to only believe in them, and that all things are theirs. Once you deny them that, they show their true face of greed, hate and immorality without restraint. Give up your faith for a woman, you will only find ruin. Live your life with a strong faith and you will live a successful life. 

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx: Duck Soup (1933)


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BigSiameseCat
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1080
30/10/2018 1:41 am  
Posted by: Uly The Cunning

Fine words with an equally good meaning. Men are doers. We build, create and turn nothing into something. For as long as we believe in something and have our faith, nothing can deter us from being doers. Women are breakers of faith. They want you to only believe in them, and that all things are theirs. Once you deny them that, they show their true face of greed, hate and immorality without restraint. Give up your faith for a woman, you will only find ruin. Live your life with a strong faith and you will live a successful life. 

As long as you refuse to give up your faith for a woman, you have effectively defeated their attempts to enslave you. I never gave up my faith, or to put it another way, I never sacrificed my values for a woman, which could well be why none of the seekers of a beta wallet ever ensnared me.


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Matcha Savage
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1393
14/11/2018 3:06 pm  

I hear you. Ok, then, with this being said and done, let me get to the point of this introduction, finally.

 

You see, for about 35 years I displayed certain symptoms similar to what you would find or expect from someone with an Asperger or Autism condition,

Yet, if you know these things, you will of course have noticed, that the reason and cause behind displaying these symptoms in my case is a different one.

When I was 4 years old - and I believe it was some weeks before I would suffer my first severe concussion - my parents would commit unlawful, heinous acts towards my older brother and myself.

As they, in their lacking of Temperance, Prudence and Justice, had fallen prey to a certain kind of unforgiving madness.

Seemingly no one noticed, what really was going on back then and there, except me;

as one day - while they were tormenting my brother and I had to watch and wait for my turn - it all became obvious in front of my eyes and in the depth of my heart.

 I realized exactly, what was going on. I could see them and they were mocking me, laughing at my horror and feasting upon my loved ones and myself, victorious.

I looked at and suffered this, until my spirit was literally broken.

I dissociated, so I would not have to look at this any further. A natural reaction.

 

This was my initiation into life and the women and girls would adore me, because, henceforth, I was like them, mostly: I always had to pretend in filling a void inside of myself.

 

Most of you guys notice such things. I noticed “something off”  only a couple of years back, when Jesus found a way into my heart.

Ever since it is getting better. I come to my senses and want to leave the past behind to let this 4yo kid inside of me grasp and take to heart the fact, that he is not alone and I do have his six.

 


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The Evil Genius
Admin
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Posts: 1425
14/11/2018 8:18 pm  

We may not be conscious of events that occurred at a young age, especially if they are traumatic but our unconscious mind never forgets and constantly tries to work through it. I was one of those kids that liked fire at a very young age and was always lighting things up into flames. I don't know consciously what occurred to trigger this behavior but something did. Well I work through it---with my fire pit out in the yard...a lot. 


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