A great sense of humour  

 

Don Keyknob
Moderator
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1349
07/09/2018 2:51 am  

It's often been said that women like a great sense of humour. It's the MOST important thing on some polls. Good looking always come lower down the list. Money often even lower. 

Total crap I know. If anything, reverse what they tell you. Money, looks, sense of humour.

Lets imagine a pub somewhere that is almost empty. There are two guy's having a drink at opposite ends of the bar.

Here's Ken Dodd at one end....

.

Here's some random dude just walked in after a photo shoot at the other end

 

If we believe ANYTHING that they say, then Ken Dodd would be surrounded by women.

Call me cynical, but I'm beginning to believe that women are capable of telling the odd fib!!!!!

 

 

 

 


Quote
The Evil Genius
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1616
07/09/2018 2:54 am  

HA HA Gee which one? They would marry Dodd for his $$$ and then bang the other guy on the side! Remember WOMEN are ENTITLED to everything! 


Beered by BigSiameseCat
ReplyQuote
Uly The Cunning
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2343
07/09/2018 4:04 am  

She is busy telling the doctor that his humor made her love him. 

Henning Wehn said it best. "They say that a women loves a man that can make her laugh. Unfortunately, women find nothing funnier than a million quid in the bank."

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx: Duck Soup (1933)


Beered by BigSiameseCat
ReplyQuote
Hitman
Founder
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 558
10/09/2018 2:42 am  

i heard it said 

that men "love with their eyes

and women love with their ears"

i guess they can HEAR MONEY..

men, we are on our own. the best you can hope for is good company along the way. the good company is here.


ReplyQuote
MG-ɹǝʍo┴
Founder
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2924
10/09/2018 5:10 am  

Where's the joke?

I don't get it? 

If it weren't for a sense of humor I wouldn't have any.....


ReplyQuote
uoSʎWodɹɐH
Founder
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 685
05/10/2018 1:56 am  

Please, don't ruin comedy for me.

If I believed women would choose a funny man

I would never tell a joke in mixed company.

I find humor in making them cry.

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at the idiots who misunderstand me! Kind mockery toward the well-intentioned and unfettered cruelty toward all would-be prison guards of my creative possibilities. In this way I learn to revel as much in misunderstanding as in understanding and take pleasure in worthy opponents. Making language fluid, flowing like a river, yet precise and pointed as a dirk, contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful verbal dance—a linguistic martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.


ReplyQuote
may72020
Founder
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 749
05/10/2018 3:12 am  

since escaping the shit vortex, I haven't stopped laughing. I remember one of the ex's complaints brought up during marriage counseling was she had to make all the arrangements when we visited her family. So it was somehow my job to make the call to her aunt to go visit? Are you kidding me? It's my job to pack the portable playpen, the stroller, the diaper bag and toys for the baby, drive us all over by dere, and try not to fall asleep on her dear Aunt Wallamina's sofa. I'd rather mow the lawn then go to my ex's sister's house, 5 screaming kids, dumb as fuck husband, dog sniffing my balls and omg that woman had no clue how to cook. Best time at an inlaws house was her father's lake cottage. I'd get in the paddle boat by myself in the morning and go take off, maybe come back for lunch. I'd go over to a house that was empty and sleep on their patio furniture. 


ReplyQuote
Uly The Cunning
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2343
13/10/2018 5:09 pm  

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx: Duck Soup (1933)


ReplyQuote
GregBO
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2659
19/10/2018 3:39 pm  

One of the all time best: Henny Youngman Stand Up 1969 on the Ed Sullivan show.

 

Henry "Henny" Youngman (original Yiddish surname Yungman; 16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an English-born American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please".

In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman's routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, occasionally with interludes of violin playing. These depicted simple, cartoon-like situations, eliminating lengthy build-ups and going straight to the punch line. He was known as "The King of the One Liners", a title conferred to him by columnist Walter Winchell. A stage performance by Youngman lasted only 15 to 20 minutes but contained dozens of jokes in rapid-fire succession.

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


Beered by Uly The Cunning
ReplyQuote
GregBO
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2659
19/10/2018 3:43 pm  

Another great comedian from days gone by: Rodney Dangerfield (Feb 7, 1970) on the Jackie Gleason Show

 

Jack Roy (born Jacob Rodney Cohen, November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), popularly known as Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice artist, filmmaker, musician and author known for his self-deprecating one-liners humor, his catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.

 

"My wife told me that she has given me the best years of her life. Now I'm really worried, I mean, what's coming up?"

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


Beered by Uly The Cunning
ReplyQuote
GregBO
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2659
19/10/2018 3:57 pm  

and here is a third comedian of yesteryear, they say that three is the trick.  

Jackie Gleason and Art Carney in 1956 from "the Honeymooners."

John Herbert Gleason (February 26, 1916 – June 24, 1987) was an American comedian, actor, writer, composer and conductor.  Developing a style and characters from growing up in Brooklyn, New York, he was known for his brash visual and verbal comedy, exemplified by his bus driver Ralph Kramden character in the television series The Honeymooners.   He also developed The Jackie Gleason Show,  which maintained high ratings from the mid-1950s through 1970.   Among his notable film roles were Minnesota Fats in the 1961 Academy Award-winning drama The Hustler (co-starring with Paul Newman), and Buford T. Justice in the Smokey and the Bandit series from 1977 into the early 1980s (co-starring Burt Reynolds).

 

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


Beered by Uly The Cunning
ReplyQuote
GregBO
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2659
07/11/2018 6:21 pm  

George Carlin was considered the greatest stand-up comedian of all time.  (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)

( https://hiconsumption.com/2015/09/the-25-best-stand-up-comedians-of-all-time/)   Between his brilliant social and political commentary, genius-level observational skills, and legendary command of the English language, Carlin was a true master of the craft.  No stranger to obscenity (his “seven dirty words” routine reverberated all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court), Carlin could be crass and juvenile one minute, then deeply philosophical and wise the next.  His five decades worth of A-level material will likely never be matched.

George Carlin - 7 Dirty Words (edited) 9:47

In 1972, George Carlin released an album of stand-up comedy entitled Class Clown.  One track on the album was "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television," a monologue in which he identified these words, expressing amazement that these particular words could not be used, regardless of context.

Federal Communications Commission v. Pacifica Foundation

In 1978 the Supreme Court, in a 5–4 decision, ruled that the FCC's declaratory ruling did not violate either the First or Fifth Amendments, but in so ruling it limited the scope of its ruling to the specific broadcast that gave rise to the declaratory ruling and declined to consider whether the FCC's definition of indecency would survive a First Amendment challenge if applied to the broadcast of other material containing the same or similar words which had been cited in Pacifica's brief (e.g., works of Shakespeare – "pissing conduits," "bawdy hand of the dial on the prick of noon"; the Bible – "he who pisseth against the wall"; the Watergate Tapes). It noted that while the declaratory ruling pertained to the meaning of the term indecency as used in a criminal statute (18 USC 1464), since the FCC had not imposed any penalty on Pacifica for the broadcast of words that came within the FCC's definition of "indecent", it did not need to reach the question as to whether the definition was too vague to satisfy the due process requirements of the Fifth Amendment.

This decision formally established indecency regulation in American broadcasting. In follow-up rulings, the Supreme Court established the safe harbor provision that grants broadcasters the right to broadcast indecent (but not obscene) material between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am, when it is presumed few children would be watching.  The FCC has never maintained a specific list of words prohibited from the airwaves during the time period from 6 am to 10 pm.

 

Another fantastic skit - On Airlines and Flying  11:10 ... the English language as you've never heard it before  "Flight Deck vs Cock Pit" 

"Water Landing vs Crashing into the Ocean"

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


Beered by Uly The Cunning
ReplyQuote
GregBO
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2659
15/04/2019 6:19 pm  

“You know what the funniest thing about Europe is? It’s the little differences.”

Quentin Tarantino

-------------------------------> One of the Funniest Films Ever <-------------------------------

"French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"

"French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time."

With lines like this, it is easy to see why the  1975 "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" movie is a fan favorite, which continues to be quoted within Movies, Television and Comedy routines across the world.   Written, directed and performed by members of the Monty Python comedy team, this was the first "proper" film made by the group.

Monty-Python-1975-poster.png

The film continues to be listed in the top five of "Greatest Movies of Our Time", "Best in Film" and "Best Comedy of All Time" listings.  The groups started working on the screenplay 15 months before actual filming began, and the directors has never served in this capacity before.

2:55"  The Black Knight - Tis But A Scratch

Tying the legend of  "King Authur the Holy Grail" into the antics of the highly popular "Monty Python's Flying Circus" ensured the success of this film in the U.K., greater Europe and the U.S. film / entertainment markets.  A classic scene involves a French soldier referring to King Arthur and men as "Kaniggets".  This seems to be a reference to both French mockery and their pronunciation, as well as medieval literature.

The film used numerous humor threads that continued throughout.  This ensured that audiences would be entertained through the movie, as well as allowing for specific U.K. based satire. 

2:31 " "Unladend Swallow"

 

The initial budget came from ten discrete investors, included the bands 'Pink Floyd', 'Led Zeppelin' and 'Genesis'.  The main incentive for doing so was the 90% tax write-off at that time.  The resulting small budget kept the crew from riding real horses, so coconut shall mime was instead substituted. 

Filmed mostly on location in Scotland, many other castles throughout the U.K. were also used.

Castle Stalker

The Cave of Caerbannog was the home of the 'Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog' and was shot outside an abandoned copper mine is Scotland. 

The sequence used a real rabbit, rabbit puppets, and 'rabbit-bite' special puppetry effects, to portray a terrible monster with "Nasty, Big, pointy teeth!" that has "a vicious streak a mile wide!" 

[Themed slippers are still available via Ebay and other online retailers!]

The on screen rabbit was a timid white rabbit, nothing compared to the monster that caused the knights to retreat.  Their only means of salvation is through the use of the "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch"

 

 

The "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" is actually the 'Sovereign's Orb of the United Kingdom', a "Crown Jewel of the United Kingdom".

----------------------------------->  Wikipedia further information  <-----------------------------------

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch is a visual satire of the Sovereign's Orb of the United Kingdom, and may refer to the mythical Holy Spear of Antioch. The Holy Hand Grenade is described as one of the "sacred relics" carried by Brother Maynard.  Despite its ornate appearance and long-winded instructions, it functions much the same as any other hand grenade. At King Arthur's prompting, instructions for its use are read aloud from the fictitious Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, verses 9–21, parodying the King James Bible and the Athanasian Creed:

...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."[9]

Arthur then pulls the pin, holds up the Holy Hand Grenade and cries out "One! Two! Five!" Sir Galahad corrects him: "Three, sir!" (Arthur's innumeracy is a running gag in the picture). Arthur then yells "Three!" and hurls the grenade towards the rabbit. The grenade soars through the air – accompanied by a short bit of angelic choral music – bounces, and explodes.   The killer rabbit is defeated, and the hapless knights errant continue on their quest.   The noise also attracts policemen who were investigating the murder of a historian by a mounted knight earlier in the film. 

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


Beered by Uly The Cunning and Zasta
ReplyQuote
GregBO
Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2659
21/05/2019 5:58 pm  

Just came across the following skit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

 

[4:26]

 

​"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland


Beered by Uly The Cunning
ReplyQuote
Advertisements